What We Love Defines Us: Thomas Aquinas on Identity

Quote Analysis

What if who you are isn’t defined by your thoughts, your job, or even your beliefs—but by what you love?
When medieval philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas declared:

“The things that we love tell us what we are.”

He wasn’t just sharing a poetic observation. He was offering a profound insight into the human soul, where love serves as a mirror of identity and moral character. In this article, we’ll explore the deeper meaning behind Aquinas’s famous quote—its philosophical roots, psychological relevance, and why it still resonates today.

The meaning of the quote in plain language

Thomas Aquinas’s quote “The things that we love tell us what we are” might sound poetic at first, but its meaning runs deep. In simple terms, Aquinas is saying that what we choose to love—truly love, with intention and dedication—reveals who we are at the core.

Let’s break this down. Imagine a person who deeply loves justice, who spends time reading about ethical dilemmas and advocates for fairness. That love reflects something essential about their identity—they are likely a morally grounded person who values balance and truth. Now contrast that with someone who loves power above all else, or wealth, or fame. The direction of their love paints a picture of their inner self, even more than what they claim to believe.

This quote doesn’t mean love as mere affection or momentary attraction. It refers to love as a deliberate alignment of one’s will. What we devote ourselves to—whether it’s knowledge, art, service, or material gain—becomes a mirror of our character.

So, in everyday language: show me what you consistently care about, and I’ll tell you who you are.

Philosophical context: Love as a measure of identity

In the philosophy of Thomas Aquinas, love (caritas) is not a fleeting emotion but a fundamental act of the will. For Aquinas, love is the movement of the soul toward what it perceives as good. In this way, what we love is not just a reflection of our preferences—it becomes the foundation of our identity.

Aquinas builds much of his moral philosophy on the ideas of Aristotle and Christian theology. He argues that humans are defined not by what they say, but by what they choose—and love is the highest form of choosing. To love something means to orient your will, actions, and desires toward it. Thus, love is a key ethical category: it determines the kind of person you are becoming.

This understanding of love also connects to Aquinas’s view of human purpose (telos). According to him:

Humans are naturally inclined toward the good.
Our choices, especially what we love most, direct us toward or away from our highest good (which for Aquinas is union with God).
Therefore, by observing what a person loves, we can perceive the trajectory of their soul—whether they are moving toward virtue or away from it.

In this sense, love acts as a moral compass. It’s not a private feeling, but a formative force. It doesn’t just show who we are—it makes us who we are.

Psychological dimension: What our love reveals about us

From a psychological perspective, the things we love are not just reflections of taste or preference—they are indicators of deeper values, motivations, and even unconscious drives. When Thomas Aquinas says that what we love tells us what we are, he’s pointing to a truth that modern psychology also supports: love is a window into the self.

Think about this in practical terms. A person who genuinely loves helping others is likely driven by empathy, compassion, or a sense of purpose. A person who loves control may be driven by insecurity or a desire for order. A person who finds joy in learning is likely curious and open-minded. What we consistently feel drawn to—whether it’s people, activities, ideals, or goals—offers real insight into how our mind and character are structured.

Psychologists sometimes speak of core values, which act as guiding principles in a person’s life. These values are usually tied to what a person deeply cares about—what they “love” in the Aquinian sense. Identifying them can help us:

Understand our emotional and behavioral patterns
Make more meaningful decisions
Recognize conflicts within ourselves (e.g., when we love two opposing things)
Clarify our identity and purpose

In this way, Aquinas’s insight is not outdated—it’s echoed in modern self-development: if you want to know who you are, don’t look only at your resume or social roles. Look at what you are emotionally and morally invested in. That is the true core of your being.

Ethics and responsibility: Love as a moral choice

For Aquinas, love is never neutral. It’s not just a passive feeling that happens to us—it’s a moral decision. What you love is what you choose to prioritize, pursue, and protect. That means we’re responsible for our loves, because they shape our character and influence how we treat the world around us.

Let’s say someone says, “I love money.” That statement doesn’t only reveal their interest in wealth; it reflects their value system. It tells us what they’re likely to sacrifice for, what they’ll defend, and what they might overlook. Now contrast that with someone who says, “I love truth,” or “I love justice.” That love implies a different kind of moral direction.

This is why Aquinas’s quote isn’t just descriptive—it’s also prescriptive. He’s not only telling us how to understand ourselves, but also challenging us to examine and possibly reorient our loves. In moral terms, love must be:

Directed toward the good (not simply what is pleasant)
Chosen freely and intentionally
Lived out in action, not just in sentiment

So, when we examine what we love most—deeply and consistently—we are actually evaluating our moral compass. Are we loving things that lead us toward justice, wisdom, compassion? Or are we loving things that isolate us, harm others, or reduce us to mere consumers?

Related quotes and ideas in the history of philosophy

The idea that what we love defines who we are is not unique to Thomas Aquinas—it’s part of a long philosophical tradition. Across time, many thinkers have pointed out that our deepest attachments shape not only our personal identity, but also our moral direction and spiritual life.

Here are some key thinkers and related ideas:

Saint Augustine: He famously wrote “Love and do what you will” (Ama et fac quod vis). Like Aquinas, Augustine believed that love is the root of all action—if love is rightly ordered, everything else will follow. Misguided love leads to sin; rightly ordered love leads to virtue.
Søren Kierkegaard: The Danish existentialist emphasized that to love rightly is to choose rightly, especially in relation to God. For Kierkegaard, the kind of love we cultivate determines the seriousness of our life and the authenticity of our existence.
Plato: In his dialogues, especially The Symposium, Plato discusses how love can elevate the soul—from desire for physical beauty to the love of eternal truth and goodness. This echoes Aquinas’s belief that true love should guide us toward higher realities.
Erich Fromm: In the 20th century, Fromm argued that love is an art that requires knowledge, effort, and moral maturity. He believed that the way we love reflects whether we are free, authentic individuals or shaped by consumer culture.

All of these perspectives agree on one key point: love is not just a feeling—it’s a force that shapes our being. The direction of our love influences whether we grow into our better self or drift into confusion and contradiction.

So when Aquinas says “the things that we love tell us what we are,” he is in conversation with a timeless philosophical insight. Our affections are not private or trivial—they are existential declarations of who we are becoming.

Practical relevance: How this quote applies to everyday life

The beauty of Aquinas’s quote lies not only in its philosophical depth, but also in how it speaks to daily life. It invites each of us to reflect on a simple but powerful question: What do I truly love—and what does that say about me?

This isn’t about what we say we love. It’s about what our actions, time, and attention consistently reveal. For example:

If someone claims to love learning but never reads, their real love may lie elsewhere—perhaps in comfort or distraction.
If someone devotes hours to caring for a loved one, that reveals a core of loyalty and compassion.
If someone is obsessed with image, status, or control, that shows where their heart is anchored.

This kind of reflection can help us:

Clarify our priorities
Detect inner contradictions (between what we claim and what we live)
Adjust our habits and values toward what we wish to become
Reconnect with our moral and spiritual goals

In practical terms, Aquinas challenges us to “audit” our lives. Where do our loves lead us? Toward greater freedom, generosity, and truth? Or toward selfishness, anxiety, or spiritual emptiness?

The invitation is both personal and universal: if you want to become someone better, begin by shaping your love. As Aquinas understood it, love is not just what makes us feel alive—it’s what makes us who we are.

What ‘The Things That We Love Tell Us What We Are’ Really Means – Thomas Aquinas on Identity and Love